Rethinking Bedtimes: An Australian Family’s Experiment with Sleep Schedules
There’s a persistent notion circulating on social media that in countries like Norway, parents eschew strict bedtimes, instead fostering an environment that naturally encourages children to wind down and drift off to sleep. While this sounds idyllic, conversations with actual Norwegian parents often reveal it’s more of an “idealised family life” than a common practice. Nevertheless, the underlying concept of a more relaxed approach to bedtime is intriguing, especially when contrasted with the often regimented routines of many Australian families.
Observing families in southern Mediterranean countries, particularly during the summer months, offers a glimpse into a different rhythm. Evenings are extended, with children playing in village squares long after sunset. This laid-back approach to the evening hours stands in stark contrast to the typical Australian household, where a structured bedtime routine is often the norm.
For one Australian family, this meant an 8pm story time for their elder children, Astrid and Xavi, with their three-year-old, Juno, heading to bed slightly earlier at 7:30pm. However, this rigid schedule wasn’t yielding optimal results. Astrid, approaching nine, frequently struggled to fall asleep, often lying awake past 10pm. Xavi, nearly seven, and Juno often experienced disrupted sleep, waking during the night. This led to a question: could a more relaxed approach to bedtimes lead to better sleep and more harmonious family evenings?
During a recent school holiday break, the family decided to experiment. Instead of announcing a change, the parents subtly dropped the explicit instruction for the elder two children to go to bed.
The first night, the impact of time consciousness was evident in Xavi. As the kitchen clock ticked past 8pm while he was engrossed in an episode of Pokémon, he repeatedly checked the time. Reassurance that there was no rush to wake up for school the next day allowed him to relax. They eventually went to bed about half an hour later. The following morning, everyone woke early, around 6am, unperturbed by the lack of an immediate school run.
The second night, Astrid, almost nine, initiated a request to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory just before 8pm. After a brief hesitation, the film was put on. They finally retired to bed at 10pm, and remarkably, the children were asleep within minutes. The next morning was a leisurely affair, with Astrid sleeping soundly until 8am, emerging feeling “refreshed.”
Throughout the holiday week, bedtimes naturally fell between 9pm and 10pm. The key was not to enforce a specific time but to gauge when the children felt ready. If they were engaged in play or watching a movie, they were allowed to continue until they felt tired. This freedom was met with delight and a continued eagerness to play. The trade-off, however, was that by the time Astrid and Xavi were ready for bed, the parent’s energy for reading aloud was depleted. Consequently, story time was replaced with audiobooks, a compromise that the children usually initiated when their parents had finished reading.
The parent suspected that they missed the ritual of reading aloud more than the children did. The children, ready for sleep, simply desired closeness. This experience served as a poignant reminder of how quickly children grow and the eventual time when personal stories might no longer be sought. Sometimes, the parent would even doze off while tucking them in. The intention was to compensate for the lost reading time at other points during the day.
A significant upside was Astrid’s dramatically improved sleep. She began waking between 8am and 8:30am each morning. This could be attributed to her being a natural later sleeper, or perhaps the relaxed mornings, free from the pressure to eat breakfast and dress quickly, supported her sleep as much as the later nights.
Expert Insights on Bedtimes and Sleep
Dr. David Garley, a General Practitioner, sleep disorder specialist, and founder of The Better Sleep Clinic, offers a considered perspective: “It’s possible that a bedtime could be too early, so trialling a short period of a later bedtime is not unreasonable, but this should be part of a structured plan rather than something trialled more on an ad hoc basis.”
Maryanne Taylor, founder and sleep consultant of The Sleep Works, echoes this sentiment. “If a child regularly lies awake in bed, bedtime may be too early for their current sleep drive. It may also indicate over-stimulation before bed or pressure around ‘needing’ to get to sleep,” she explains. Taylor advocates for adjustments:
- Shifting Bedtime Later: Gradually move bedtime slightly later, focusing on the wind-down process rather than sleep itself.
- Reducing Performance Anxiety: Ease the pressure around “needing” to fall asleep. Children with active imaginations often settle better when this pressure is removed.
- Focusing on Sleep Quality: The true indicator of sufficient sleep isn’t solely the clock. It’s whether children fall asleep relatively easily, experience solid sleep during the night, and wake up reasonably easily. Easing sleep-related pressure can often improve sleep quality, particularly for children prone to busy or anxious minds. A calm, consolidated nine hours of sleep is frequently more restorative than a longer night punctuated by anxiety or frequent awakenings. Children naturally spend more time in deep sleep than adults, crucial for memory consolidation, learning, physical repair, and the brain’s overnight clearing processes.
However, Dr. Garley cautions that most children, prior to adolescence, tend to have early circadian rhythms. “They fairly consistently want to go to bed early and wake up early,” he states. “The number of hours that are needed to sleep will vary slightly but are usually around the 10-hour mark.” He suggests evaluating the functions sleep supports, such as wakefulness, energy levels, emotional stability, and behaviour, to determine if children are getting adequate rest. “There can be many reasons why a child can struggle to sleep. Ensuring that there is a relaxing pre-bed routine is helpful because children sleep better when they are relaxed and reassured.”
The question arises whether Astrid’s circadian rhythm might be adjusting as she ages, mirroring the later patterns typical of teenagers. Dr. Garley explains, “Teenagers often want to go to sleep from midnight or even 1am and then want to wake up after the school bus has left. This biological delay typically comes in from adolescence.” He adds, “However, you can also get a ‘social delay,’ where bedtime procrastination can lead to going to bed later, often through watching TV or gaming. This can occur at an earlier age and is seen in nine-year-olds with later sleep patterns. Ensuring that there is not also a ‘social’ cause for a later bedtime compounding the biological circadian delay is important. Bright sunlight, and moderate exercise (walking to school is a good example) first thing can help bring the circadian rhythm forwards a touch.”
This advice resonates, as the family often had a film or television on before bed, exposing the children to blue light, which can suppress melatonin production. Furthermore, the mornings had lacked significant bright sunshine, a factor that could influence circadian rhythms.
The Lasting Impact of a Relaxed Approach
The experiment yielded positive results. The parent’s sleep saw a slight improvement, but the most significant change was the overall increase in relaxed family time. Mornings were more leisurely, with everyone rising when ready, and evenings felt less rushed. The downside was that by the time the children were asleep, there was limited time for the parents to connect. The children also engaged in more imaginative play as a trio, a common occurrence during holidays.
As school resumed, the family reinstated regular bedtimes around 8pm. However, the experience had instilled a greater willingness to accommodate requests for “10 more minutes” of play. This shift has notably broken the cycle of resistance to bedtime, making the routine feel lighter. In the 10 days following the experiment, Astrid has consistently fallen asleep around 9pm, a marked improvement from her previous post-10pm bedtime.
Astrid attributes some of this improvement to discovering white noise with rain sounds, a technique used by her teacher in class. She finds the sound soothing and now uses it to drift off. However, the parent wonders if the easing of pressure around bedtime, facilitated by this unconventional reset, has also played a crucial role. Looking ahead, the family anticipates reintroducing a more relaxed approach during the upcoming summer holidays, aiming for a gradual “Mediterranean shift” rather than an abrupt change.
