The Importance of Expanding Your Dating Horizons
I recently took a look at a friend’s Tinder profile, something I often do for friends who ask me to help them improve their dating experience. Some don’t ask, but I usually end up grabbing their phone anyway. Not only have I written extensively about dating, but I also spent 10 years navigating the dating world before meeting my partner. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, like trying speed dating, which is definitely not recommended. However, I’ve also learned a lot along the way.
One of the things I helped my friend with was updating her photos. No one wants to have to guess which person in a group photo is them. I also encouraged her to actually write something meaningful in her profile — use the words, all the words! But there was another issue that stood out: her distance settings.
Her location preferences were set to only show men within a 7km radius, which isn’t very far at all. It’s an old cliché, but it’s still valid — “You need to widen your horizons,” I told her. While it’s true that some people do end up dating someone from their neighborhood or even their workplace, most of us are more likely to find a date with someone like Zac Efron than with our next-door neighbor.
I remember interviewing Mel Schilling, a former expert on Married at First Sight, who advised me to look as far as interstate for a partner. We all have preconceived notions about not wanting to date someone from “across the bridge” or from “that” suburb. But when it comes to finding a partner, there are more important priorities to consider — such as whether the person’s values align with yours and if they’re considerate, kind, and possess other qualities you value in a partner.
My friend argued that she doubted a man would travel further than a few kilometers to meet her. And that’s true — many men these days prefer to have someone delivered to their apartment, like an Uber Eats order. If you won’t comply, they’ll keep swiping until they find someone who will.
But here’s the thing: the right person will travel. Would you sit on a train for 40 minutes, an hour, or longer if it meant finding your perfect partner? We all know how hard it is to find someone. It’s essentially a numbers game. By limiting your distance, you’re reducing the number of potential matches that appear on your screen.
And if things work out, you wouldn’t be the first person to move house for love. My partner lived in America when he met me while on holiday in Australia. I could have easily stopped chatting to him when I found out, but I didn’t. He eventually moved here permanently to be with me.
So, my advice is to increase those location settings to as wide as they’ll go. You might just find a date who’s willing to go the distance.
