A Family Adventure Down Under
Last year, I embarked on a journey around Australia in a caravan with my husband and two children. At the time, I was navigating midlife territory, often finding myself awake at 3am scrolling through social media, captivated by posts of families taking on the Big Lap of Australia in caravans. These families were choosing adventure over the suburban grind, not waiting for retirement to become ‘grey nomads’. I wanted to be part of that experience.
Convincing my husband that this was exactly what we should do, we made the bold decision to rent out our house, quit our jobs, pull the kids out of school, and hire a caravan for a year. It was a big step, but one that turned out to be life-changing.
But having never stepped foot in a van before, it didn’t take long for us to discover that #vanlife is a little — or rather, a lot — less glossy than it looks on social media. We quickly realized we were utterly clueless about the realities of living in a caravan. More times than I care to admit, we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere running out of petrol, water, and even power to the caravan. There were moments when we nearly turned back to Sydney.
However, we didn’t. Over time, we learned some invaluable life skills, like always carrying a spare jerry can of petrol with you. Miraculously, we went from barely surviving to utterly thriving. We swam with whale sharks, went spear fishing for mud crabs, rode on camels, fed crocodiles, drifted down hot springs, climbed up waterfalls, noodled for opals, and basically lived our best life every day of the week.
It was the most incredible — albeit dustiest — things we could have done as a family, and it is a time in my life that I will cherish forever.
So, when we returned home to Sydney, I started telling anyone who would listen that they too ‘should do the Big Lap’. But the one question everyone kept asking me wasn’t about my favourite outback town or campsite recommendation. No, no, no. The question that I was being asked in the privacy of group chats or whispered at the back of the school pick-up line was:
“So, like, how did you guys have sex in the caravan with kids sleeping next to you?”
And this wasn’t just from my amorous acquaintances. Knowing how intimacy in a caravan works seems to be a burning question that comes up (pun totally intended) all the time on caravanning Facebook groups. I know this because, whenever I see it online, I stop scrolling, grab the popcorn, and start reading the comments because everyone seems to love sharing their approach to this all too common caravanning dilemma.
And the answers are always hilarious…
- “We bought a swag so we could sneak outside at night and get the job done under the stars.”
- “If you’re in a caravan park, just give the kids a few bucks to go spend, lock the caravan door and go for it. If you do a good job you might even get a round of applause from your neighbours.”
- “We book a caravan site with an ensuite.”
- “We just tell our teenagers to go to sleep, otherwise we will rock them to sleep!”
- “We put the kids to bed and then, after a few minutes, we ask, ‘Does anyone want any chocolate?’ If there is no answer, we slide the ‘curtain of silence’ across and get to business.”
- “We get up on the roof of the van. If the kids wake up, we tell ‘em we are fighting monsters outside and not to come out.”
- “Me and the wife tell the kids to go out and entertain themselves for five minutes so we can do our taxes. Then we just chill out for the remaining four minutes.”
Simone Skinner-Smith is a television producer and writer. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Communications from the University of Technology Sydney (UTS) and has worked in the Australian Media Industry for over twenty-five years, most recently as a reality television producer on Farmer Wants a Wife, FBOY Island, Love Triangle, and just about every other dating show you’ve ever flicked past on telly.
As a writer, she has had a number of travel features published in the Sydney Morning Herald and short stories published in anthologies. Simone currently lives in Sydney with her husband, two children, two bunnies and two guinea pigs. She loves travelling and can’t wait to plan their next big adventure (preferably not in a caravan).
Feature image: Supplied.
