A Journey of Love, Betrayal, and New Beginnings
Ashley had always lived by the motto “what will be, will be.” She was a firm believer in karma and destiny, a philosophy that had been instilled in her since childhood when her aunt gifted her a Magic 8 Ball for her seventh birthday. This belief shaped her life as she spent her twenties traveling the world, hopping from one place to another on a whim, taking temporary jobs or working in bars to support herself.
As her 30th birthday approached, Ashley felt a growing desire to return home. Two of her friends were getting married, and it seemed like everyone around her was settling down. She felt the pressure to make a move of her own, fearing she might miss out on what she thought was the next step in life.
On the eve of her 30th birthday, her best friend booked them both for a session with a psychic. The psychic examined Ashley’s hands and described seeing two little pink gumboots by a door—something faint but significant. When Ashley asked about a husband, the psychic smiled and said, “Oh, I see that!”
A year later, Matthew entered her life—not through fate, but through a chance encounter. While delivering a report at a temp job, she walked right into his office. They kept in touch, and six months later, he emailed to ask if she wanted to apply for a permanent position at the company. By this point, she had already landed a dream job. Instead, he suggested a coffee to celebrate. That coffee turned into lunch, drinks, and then plans to meet again the next night for dinner. By the end of the year, Matthew proposed on the beach during a romantic holiday.
“I remember vividly the morning after he asked me to marry him,” Ashley recalls. “We had an extravagant room service breakfast in bed with Champagne. We spent three hours talking about our future—where we’d travel, where we’d live, what we’d do. He asked me about kids, and I said, ‘If it happens, it happens—I’ll leave that up to fate, but I would be happy either way.’”
Four years into their marriage, Ashley’s attitude began to shift. After watching her friends have children, she started longing for a baby of her own. She told Matthew she had changed her mind—that she really wanted those little pink gumboots by the door.
However, Ashley immediately regretted using those exact words because it gave Matthew the impression that she had never been sure. He was shocked and clearly angry, arguing that they had mapped out a life without children. He mentioned their travel bucket list and how having kids would interfere with their plans. Ashley disagreed, and they argued for weeks.
Eventually, Matthew came home and said, “Let’s give it a go.” Ashley was thrilled and relieved, and the first six months of trying were fun. But soon, life revolved around ovulation tests, naturopath appointments, and every tea and tonic she could find.
“I always assumed it would just happen for me when I wanted it,” Ashley admits. “I had a doctor’s appointment and tests, but nothing was wrong. My doctor said it often takes couples a full year to conceive, so I should try to put the worry aside until then.”
When a full year passed without success, Ashley booked another appointment and was referred to a specialist. She also had Matthew tested. That’s when everything unraveled.
“I thought Matthew would be onboard, but instead, he exploded. He said if it wasn’t happening, it just wasn’t meant to be, and we should let it go. We had a massive fight.”
Ashley couldn’t believe they were still on different pages. Then, three weeks before their appointment, Matthew dropped a bombshell: during his first marriage, his former wife didn’t want children, and in his mid-twenties, he had a vasectomy.
“It felt like he was speaking another language,” she says. “I couldn’t understand what he was saying. We had been trying for a baby for a full year, with him knowing full well that it was impossible.”
In the weeks that followed, Matthew tried to explain himself. He reasoned that Ashley had quickly decided she wanted a baby, and he feared she might just as quickly change her mind. He believed her “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be” attitude meant she’d hand it over to the universe and not be too disappointed when it didn’t happen.
“It was unbelievable,” she sighs. “He wasn’t leaving it up to fate—he had already predetermined it!”
Six months later, Ashley was still in shock. “I went from being someone with a fairytale life, trying for a baby with my husband—now I’m back to square one.”
Determined to move on, she ended her marriage as quickly as possible. Her first call after the shocking conversation was to her sister, a lawyer in Australia. “Although, honestly, I felt like calling the police first. It felt like a crime had happened.”
She started working with a therapist to process the betrayal. “I keep thinking back over our relationship. Often I think about the first night I slept with him, because I remember telling him I was on the pill. If I hadn’t offered up that information, would we have talked about contraception, or the fact we didn’t need any? I know it’s not my doing, but I can’t help but go over every part of our relationship and question things.”
It’s hard not to let bitterness and resentment overwhelm her. “I was trying everything, and he knew it,” she says. “I started meditating, going to reiki, acupuncture, did cleanses, changed my diet, took up yoga. I always thought it [not falling pregnant] was my body betraying me. I never thought of the possibility that it was something wrong on his end. I gave myself a hard time, I directed all that anger at my body—when the whole time that should have been towards him.”
Back in 2021, Ashley booked one of the first flights out to Australia soon after COVID-19 restrictions lifted. She spent a month with her sister. “It’s been so hard only being able to see her on Zoom and talk over the phone. I can’t wait to hug her.”
“I love my friends here, but it’s so hard watching them all go about the life I used to have. Everything here reminds me of what happened, so I’m going to see how it is staying over there and maybe I will make it more permanent. A fresh start may be just what I need.”
It’s now been five years since Capsule originally spoke to Ashley. She ended up spending three weeks with her sister in Australia before returning to New Zealand, where she decided to move to Australia after all. After two years of coming to terms with what had happened and focusing on herself—no longer thinking about men—she met someone.
“It’s classic stuff,” she says. “I went to Australia for a fresh start and ended up meeting a guy who was old school friends with my brother! He’d moved over in his early 20s. We randomly ran into each other and we just hit it off.”
This year, they’re getting married. And the best bit is, their toddler will be there with them. Yes, Ashley had a baby last year with her fiancé.
“It was so amazing,” says Ashley. “I’d made my peace with it, that it was probably too late for me to have kids and then he came along and said he was bummed he didn’t have kids and wanted to give it a go. The funniest—well, I don’t know if it’s funny just yet still—but he asked me when we first started dating what happened, that he thought I’d got married. I literally sent him the link to this story. He couldn’t believe it. He’s been so unbelievably kind about it and he’s just a trustworthy dude. Things really worked out.”
