The Ultimate Guide to AFL Club Anthems
Picture this. Your side has just played out of their skin to cause an almighty upset, with a goal after the siren, sealing the deal. You hug your mates, let out a raucous cheer, spill a bit of beer and prepare to unleash the most tone-deaf rendition of your club’s song, as your players mob their match-winner. As the opening notes ring out around your home ground, are you happy with the tune you’re about to sing? Is it catchy, free of cringe and classic?
Some clubs boast anthems that hit the mark. Others don’t. Here’s my ranking, from ear sore to elite.
Fremantle
It’s naff. It’s lazy. It’s awful. “We’re the rollers, we’re the rockers.” No, Fremantle, you’re a football club. I’d like to give this track “the old heave ho.”
West Coast
Sorry for the pile on, West Australians, but the anthem put forward by indie rock band Birds of Tokyo in recent years is only marginally better than that of the Eagles’ cross-town rivals. “We’re the Eagles, the West Coast Eagles, and we’re here to show you why.” Just inspired song writing, really.
Greater Western Sydney
The only reason this track is not any lower is the post-ironic gravity afforded to it by neutral fans, especially come September. It plays like a traditional Russian folk tune. I imagine men in funny hats and puffy pantaloons executing Kazotsky kicks every time the humorously baritone vocals come in. I think the general footy public itself is unsure whether it is laughing at or with the Giants when this track plays. I’m sure it’s deeply beloved by the Giants’ 17 fans.
Western Bulldogs
I think the Dogs’ song starts so very well, but it falls away badly. The connection to the club’s Footscray home in the “Sons of the West” opening must carry weight for the battlers who live and breathe this club. Musically, the melisma on “SNARRRRRRRLING” is objectively fun to sing, but that’s about where the joy ends.
St Kilda
I get it, it’s iconic, it’s memorable, but golly gosh, not a whole lot happens in this one. There are 15 total words in this song. 15. That’s it. The melody is grouse and it’s iconic for the long suffering faithful, but I think it’s overrated.
Hawthorn
Almost in diametric opposition to the Dogs, the Hawks’ song starts in a lacklustre fashion but is redeemed by one line, that really gets the juices going: “One for all and all for one’s the way we play at Hawthorn.” Lines like “we’re a happy team at Hawthorn,” and “we love our club,” fail to do so. A story of two halves.
Gold Coast
One of the few newer clubs to get this part of their build right. It’s strong, it’s memorable, it’s easy to chant. This one will no doubt climb the rankings with a few more renditions in big, prime time games, and eventual premiership success. I am a little scarred by the trumpet riff that rings out whenever they kick a goal at home games, however.
Brisbane
Similarly, the Lions tune holds bitter memories of childhood and adolescent bullying for me, but I will admit, the French were truly in their bag when putting together this melody, likely knowing a football club playing a suburban sport in another hemisphere was going to steal it for their own personal gain. Growing up in the River City in the shadow cast by successive Grand Final losses for my beloved Magpies at the hands of the Lions meant this song was weaponised as an instrument of torment against me for a long time. 2023 is little consolation, given the Lions are in the middle of yet another dynasty, and I’m still outnumbered in my group chat. I can vividly remember Bernie ‘Gabba’ Vegas strutting his stuff to this track at the conclusion of the first Collingwood game I’d seen in the flesh. Jonathan Brown yanked on Heritier Lumumba’s dreads in a fiery encounter. Fun times.
Essendon
The lowest of the traditional ‘big four’ in my ranking, and it’s probably because of how humorous the Bombers’ lyrics read in the middle of a September drought that spans over two decades. “See the Bombers fly up, up, to win the premiership flag.” Need to steal a leaf out of Collingwood’s playbook when they were in a drought, in the early 1980s, and consider changing that line, I’d reckon – the last time the Bombers claimed premiership glory, I was barely four months old. I’ll eat humble pie the next time those lyrics ring true, and they’ll soar up this ranking, but for now, Bombers fans, the inclusion of a banjo in the official recording is the only reason you find yourselves inside the top 10.
Adelaide
There’s some GST afforded the Crows in my ranking, as I, as an ankle biter, represented a club in Brisbane’s northern suburbs with the same mascot, colours, and song as the side from West Lakes. I have fond memories of the few times my under-resourced club had the privilege of singing this song, and what a song it is. Shoutout Narangba.
Geelong
It’s pretty hard to argue with the proclamation of greatness that opens the Cats’ anthem. They’ve been around the mark for much of this century – infuriatingly so. The reference to their home ground and the proud patriotism that must engender for those down the highway is another tick.
Sydney
Just a good, solid tune. I love the reference to the loyalty of the faithful, given the lean years that followed the club’s relocation from its South Melbourne heartland. “Shaking the thunder down from the sky” is a very strong motif, and is the sort of language war cries need. Good stuff, Swannies.
Port Adelaide
A truly regal introduction gives way to a super catchy tune. Points are awarded for the subtle reference to the club’s lengthy SANFL history. “Come on, Port Adelaide aggression,” has been a vocal stim of mine on many a boys trip, and so having this track any lower would simply be disingenuous to who I really am.
North Melbourne
It’s a crying shame the footy landscape doesn’t get to hear this absolute banger more often. I WANT to join in the chorus. Melodically, this is one of the strongest tracks in the game.
Melbourne
A real classic flavour to this one. It’s a song befitting one of the oldest and most storied clubs in the code, and one brought to life for a modern audience when the club finally broke through for premiership glory in 2021. Points for referencing enduring friendships (‘old acquaintance’). Sue me, I’m romantic about such things.
Collingwood
Yep, time for the big reveal. Three of the traditional powerhouses make up the podium. It truly means so much to me that the loyalty woven into my beloved club’s DNA gets a mention in the song that follows each victory. Extra points for the word “barrackers” – no other club uses it in their song, and that’s a missed opportunity. It’s the oldest track still in use, too, dating back to 1906. Sticking fat – it’s a Collingwood thing.
Carlton
DA DADA DA DA. I’ll give credit where it’s due. As much as this mob grind my gears, and their perpetual failures warm my cold, dead heart, this tune is a right banger. The only reason it’s not number one is, similarly to Essendon, they lose points for the ridiculousness of their lyrics in the current climate. “We’re the team that never lets you down.” I have friends that have only ever been let down by this rabble of a club. Get it together, Baggers. For what it’s worth, I back Collingwood legend, Graham Wright, to nail the coaching appointment.
Richmond
The gold standard. The Tigers take home the number one spot, even if one of the two things I picture when I hear the track is Kath Day-Knight having a dance in her kitchen. The other, of course, is the infamously reserved Dustin Martin ending the shortest Norm Smith Medal acceptance speech in history with a passionate scream of “YELLOW AND BLACK” after the club’s demolition of the Giants in the 2019 Grand Final.
